Attachment Theory: The Avoidant Attachment Style

adam lee
2 min readAug 26, 2023

Individuals with the Avoidant attachment style tend to generally Avoid conflict, and keep emotions and feelings to themselves. The Avoidant usually suppresses their feelings and emotions.

Typically during childhood, these individuals had their emotions dismissed, and the caregivers weren’t as attentive to their needs. As a result, the avoidant individual developed a sense of self-reliance and independence for themselves to cope with unmet needs.


Here are some key characteristics of an Avoidant that you should be aware of.

  • Emotional Suppression: Avoidants tend to downplay or dismiss their own emotions and often feel uncomfortable expressing vulnerability.
  • Preference for Independence: Independence becomes a central theme, and they prioritize self-sufficiency over emotional reliance on others.
  • Fear of Intimacy: They may feel uneasy about opening up emotionally and resist forming deep emotional bonds.
  • Difficulty with Commitment: Commitment can be challenging due to their tendency to prioritize personal space and autonomy.
  • Subdued Affection: Avoidant individuals might show affection less frequently, as they often associate emotional closeness with potential pain or discomfort.

Relationship Patterns.

Avoidant Individuals have a volatile set of patterns that could often create complications in relationships. The following patterns can look like the list below:

  • Pulling Away: During times of emotional closeness, avoidant individuals might feel overwhelmed and distance themselves emotionally or physically.
  • Mixed Signals: They can send mixed signals, oscillating between moments of intimacy and moments of detachment.
  • Idealizing Independence: They may idealize independence to the point of avoiding asking for help, even when needed.
  • Difficulty Sharing Emotions: Sharing emotions can be a challenge, leading to misunderstandings and frustration for their partners.

Growth and Healing.

Listed below are some alternatives that an individual with an avoidant attachment style can adopt to improve relationships:

  • Self-Awareness: Recognizing the patterns and triggers of avoidance is the first step toward change.
  • Communication Skills: Developing healthy communication strategies allows them to express emotions and needs more openly.
  • Therapy: Working with a therapist, especially one trained in attachment-based therapy, can help explore underlying fears and facilitate growth.
  • Emotional Regulation: Learning to manage emotions and tolerate vulnerability enhances intimacy in relationships.
  • Creating Secure Patterns: Building secure attachment traits, like being responsive to a partner’s emotional needs, promotes healthier relationships.

It’s important to note, that attachment styles aren’t fixated towards an individual. They can adapt and change over time if there is enough effort and time dedicated to adopt a secure attachment style.



adam lee

I'm a martial artist and software engineer. I enjoy writing about Martial Arts, Personal Development, Technology, and Travel.